Well Polished Body Covers Worn Engine

Dear Ann Landers:

It has been said that the most difficult task of a woman's life is to give up her kitchen. For men, it's giving up an automobile. Being a male, here's the way I see it.

Man is like an automobile. As it gets older, the differential starts slipping, and the U-joints get worn, causing the drive shaft to go bad. The transmission won't go into high gear and sometimes has difficulty getting out of low. The cylinders get worn and lose compression, making it hard to climb the slightest in­cline.

When it is climbing, the tappets clatter and ping to the point where one wonders if the old bus will make it to the top. The carburetor gets fouled with pollu­tants and other matter, making it hard to get started in the morning.

It is hard to keep the radiator filled because of the leaking hose. The thermostat goes out, making it diffi­cult to reach operating temperature. The headlights grow dim, and the horn gets weaker. The memory chip drops a few bytes, and the battery needs con­stant recharging.

But if the body looks good with no bangs, dents or chipping paint, we can keep it washed and polished, giving the impression that it can compete with the newer models and make one more trip down the primrose lane before the head gasket blows. Gentle­men, start your engines.

Pinging like crazy in Tulsa

Dear Pinging in Tulsa:

Some psychologists say many American males consider their vehicles an extension of themselves.

Your little essay certainly gives validity to that theory. Thanks for making the connection. I find it fascinating that this is strictly a male thing.

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