Oil Change

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(01) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.

(02) Drink a cup of coffee.

(03) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent: $20.00 Oil Change + $1.00 Coffee = $21.00 (total).


(01) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.

(02) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

(03) Open a beer and drink it.

(04) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

(05) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

(06) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

(07) Place drain pan under engine.

(08) Look for 9/16" box end wrench.

(09) Give up and use crescent wrench.

(10) Unscrew drain plug.

(11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.

(12) Clean up.

(13) Have another beer while oil is draining.

(14) Look for oil filter wrench.

(15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.

(16) Beer.

(17) Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

(18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

(19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step (18).

(20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

(21) Walk to Cold Beer and Wine store; buy beer.

(22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

(23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

(24) Remember drain plug from step (11).

(25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

(26) Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.

(27) Clean up. Apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

(33) Beer.

(34) Beer.

(35) Dump in additional four quarts of oil.

(36) Beer.

(37) Lower car from jack stands.

(38) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.

(39) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to the fresh oil spilled during step 23.

(40) Test drive car.

(41) Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.

(42) Car gets impounded.

(43) Make bail. Get car from impound yard.

Money Spent: $50.00 parts + $12.00 beer + $75.00 replacement set of jack stands (hey the colours have to match!) + $1000.00 Bail + $200.00 Impound and towing fee = $1337.00 (total).

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