Murphy's Law and Vintage Cars

Cruising the Net Author Unknown

(01) Never fix anything that is not broken.

(02) The nut or bolt which is the most difficult to reach will always be stripped or seized.

(03) No tool will ever be found again, once it is put down.

(04) Nothing will ever go back together in the reverse of the manner in which it was dismantled.

(05) One last pull on a nut or bolt, to make sure it is tight, will always strip it, or snap it off, but if it doesn't get that extra pull it will always loosen and fall off.

(06) Bright, clean new parts are always defective, but dirty, greasy old ones work fine unless they are cleaned then they will not work either.

(07) During a roadside repair, with the wrong parts being used, the fit will be perfect and the repair permanent.

(08) A prospective purchaser, attempting to start the car, will usually cause ignition failure and/or flooding of the carburettor.

(09) If a part is carried as a spare, it can either never be found or will not fit when it is needed and if the spare comes in different sizes of lefts or rights, the one you need is not the one you have.

(10) If, when removing an irreplaceable nut or bolt, it is dropped on a spotlessly clean floor, it will be heard to hit the floor and then vanish forever.

(11) Any tool dropped while working on your car will automatically roll to the geographical centre under the car.

(12) The probability of a car starting is inversely proportional to the number of people standing nearby watching.

(13) The probability of paint running is directly proportional to the degree of prominence of the panel being painted.

(14) A tire will only go flat when the jack or wheel brace has been left at home.

(15) Any starter motor/generator will work perfectly when bench tested. It will only cease to function once it has been fitted to the car.

(16) When you double check everything prior to a run, you stand a greater chance of running out of fuel.

(17) No matter what fails on your car there is always someone who knew it would.

(18) Carrying an extra pair of plugs, points, coil and condenser will usually result in a broken fan belt.

(19) The later you leave home after a rally, the greater the chance of failure of the lighting system.

(20) The possibility of a mudguard being scratched is directly proportional to the time spent polishing it.

(21) The best way to locate a part in better condition is to send the one you have to a professional restorer for chrome plating.

(22) No matter how rare the accessory, there is always someone's uncle who had one just like it.

(23) Start one small repair job and it will lead to many more larger problems.

(24) Contributed by Neil Fawdry .. the bolt you tighten an extra half turn will always break.

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