Miracle Liners

Octagon Newsletter November 1990

By Jack Baker

From time to time we all buy miracle products to improve one thing or another. My throbbing 'M' makes me a stand-out for such purchases.

While looking at a parts catalogue, I saw this smiling, petite, blonde creature holding a cute little screw driver. She had just finished installing fender liners in her MGB. I knew that if 'Dainty Blondie' could do the job, I could. After all, there she was in her brief white shorts and halter top. The idea is you put these plastic liners inside the front fenders and then mud and other road debris can't collect to hold moisture and cause rust.

I sent for them and a few weeks later, they came, the plastic gutters from hell, the black unbendables, the multi-curved spring steel finger traps, the frustrating impossibleness, aaaaahhhh, send me the little blond.

The idea was (is) to first place a strip of plastic material around the fender arch by clipping it to the metal flange on the fender. This is some fun because there is no allowance made for the welds. Once you learn this and cut notches in the plastic all is well. Next you take the edge of the liner and fit it into a slot in the plastic strip. This can't be done because the liner will not accept the concept of a double compound curve The liner material is very stiff and every time you get a couple of inches in place the entire thing springs back and smacks you. I put the car in a heated garage and warmed the liner with two electric heaters and a hair dryer. Now I get more in place, so that when it smacks me it can hit harder and with heat.

I phoned England and asked if the little blond girl could come to the phone, they said no, but Dive could. Dive (Dave) said "Ho Ho, we get a lot of calls about that kit. Try laying it out on the tarmac on a hot day, heat is the answer." I waited for summer and out on the driveway the liner went, too hot to touch without gloves, it really hurt when it snapped back with all that

heat. I placed the liner in the rear window of a closed car in full mid day sun. This time when it whipped back it smacked me in the nose and burnt my arm. I killed it with a screwdriver. The only place hot enough to make that thing bend is were I hope the little blond girl has gone.

P.S. Anyone want to buy a pair of fender liners, only punctuated once by a guy with a smallish screwdriver.

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